Well, I've decided if I don't say something-  the rocks are going to do it for me.  Am I the only person longing for so much more today?  Is anybody out there?  I've also decided I have more passion and capacity for emotion than any one person is supposed to have, and since I'm not painting today I have to get this out RIGHT NOW...somehow!
   This has been a busy fall - full of color, depth, rich relationships, and lots of creating.  When I paint I know I am really alive- it is the language of my soul.  I'm finding more beauty in the process than I have ever known and I guess it's what is stirring so much inside of me today.  I really don't care if anyone reads this.  I realize I am too much for the average person to handle anyway so, here's what I'm really thinking.  
   Now, faith is the assurance of things hoped for...perceiving as real the facts which have not yet been revealed to the senses.  This is what the process of creating has done for me (especially this past month).  Jesus has been brought near.  Faith has made more real the things that are invisible!  In creating beauty, my soul is responding "Amen"-  "the stories are all true!"  (thank you -Andrew Peterson).  This process - the mess and the tireless hours I've spent covered in paint, with aching shoulders, back, knees and hands has changed me.  I'm not who I was.  
   I do worship through the act of painting.  It's part of who I am.  I can't escape it or apologize for it.  Sometimes I think I'd rather be a musician or writer, but I am who I am.  Today, I am dreaming BIG!  I am begging the Father to show up in our church through the arts.  Not through fancy art shows or well presented exhibits packaged all pretty, but through the messy, uncomfortable, gut-wrenching process!  Where are the artists, musicians, and writers in our church body who are hungry for Jesus and burdened for the lost?  Who long to see him show up and change lives through worship?
   Since Sunday's "Behold " service I've been holding my breath.  I am not satisfied.  Actually, I am left more hungry than ever.  I can not communicate in words how desperate I am right now, begging the Father for more!  Yes, I know I'm longing for heaven.  But beauty brings light into the darkness, and we are called to restore.  We are called to this place-  for this time-  for these good works which He has prepared in advance for us. . .and there is strength in numbers.  Who will join me?  Seriously!  (this feels like the finale in Les Miserables).
   On a more personal note, I was really stretched to participate in the worship service on Sunday through the paintings which were used (it was a big step for me).  Jason knew this when he asked me!  But, I must say I would not trade the discomfort and pain for anything!  If anything, by God's grace, I want to lean into it!  I don't want to miss anything He would say to me right now!  His word has become my life-line!  In all honesty, I have come face to face with the kindness of the Father which I've never known like this before.  Why has He so richly poured this kindness on me?  I know who I really am.  I see my flesh.  I am humbled and broken and I have been forced to wrestle with this extravagance poured out on me.  Why would He invite me to the table?  He even invites me there to feast on HIM in the presence of my enemy (my flesh).  
   He invites us both to come.  He loved me when I was only my flesh.  PRAISE JESUS, He makes all things new!  The idea of "beholding the Lamb" is still running around in my heart and head.  The music that Jason chose was so rich and beautiful.  I just wish those who came on Sunday could have walked through the process of creating with me (not to say that I'm ready for that).  The finished paintings were NOT THE REAL BEAUTY!  I am ready to break the silence and I am longing to be poured out like a drink offering for my Jesus!  To the end of HIS glory! 
Impatiently waiting . . . and very uncomfortable,
gina