Today, I am incredibly thankful for those who journey with me- you make life here sweeter.
Your willingness to walk with me is a precious gift.
Your ability to see, to hear, and to understand is a treasure.
Especially valuable to me is your strength- you fight for me. Would I be so bold with you.
I am humbled by the gift of traveling companions.
You make me laugh- you draw me out- you make me long for more.
well, i've decide that if i don't say something- the rocks are going to do it for me.
am i the only person longing for SO MUCH MORE today?
Is ANYBODY out there?
i've decide that i have more passion and capacity for emotion than any one person is supposed to have- and since i'm not painting today- i have to get this out RIGHT NOW- somehow.
this has been a busy fall. full of color- depth- rich relationships and lots of creating.
when i paint- i know that i'm really alive- it is the language of my soul-
i'm finding more beauty in the process that i have ever known- and i guess that is what is stirring so much inside of me today. i don't really care if anyone reads this- i realize that i am "too much" for the average person to handle anyway......so, this is what i'm really thinking-
Now, faith is: the assurance of things hoped for- perceiving as real fact what is not yet revealed to the senses.
THAT is what this process of creating (especially this last month) has done for me- it has made MORE REAL the things that are invisible- in creating beauty my soul is responding with a resounding "AMEN"-
or in the words of Andrew Peterson- "the stories are all true!"
This process- the mess and tireless hours and hours i've spent covered in paint, with aching shoulders, back, hands, and knees has changed me. i'm not who i was.
i do worship through the act of painting. it's who i am- i can't escape it- and don't apologize for it. it's just a fact. sometimes i think that i'd rather be a musician or writer- i think that the're better heard and understood
and they reach so many people in such deep ways.
i am dreaming big! i am begging the Father to show up in our church through the arts- not through fancy
"art shows" and "exibits" packaged all pretty- but, through the MESSY, uncomfortable, gut wrenching process-!!!!!!!!!-
WHERE are the artists, musicians, and writers in our church that are BURDENED and HUNGRY for Jesus- WHO LONG TO SEE HIM SHOW UP AND CHANGE LIVES THROUGH WORSHIP?
Since Sunday's "BEHOLD" service, i've been holding my breath-
i am not satisfied-
i am left more HUNGRY that ever-
i can not even communicate in words HOW desperate i am right now-
begging the Father for more! (yes, i know that i am longing for heaven)
but, beauty brings light to the darkness- we are image bearers- called into this place for this time for THESE good works which HE prepared in advance for us to accomplish- and THERE is strength in numbers!
who will join me? seriously.
On a more personal note- i really was VERY stretched to participate in the service on Sunday- through the paintings that were used(that was a BIG step for me!). Jason knew that when he asked me.
but, i must say that i would not TRADE the discomfort and pain for anything!- if anything- by Gods' grace....
i want to LEAN INTO it! i don't want to miss anything HE would say to me- right now, i am holding on to HIM like the air that i breathe! HE is my life-line!
The KINDNESS of the Father has been so richly been poured out on me- i can feel Him here-
and a part of me has been forced to wrestle with "why is HE so kind toward me ??????????"
deep down, i don't believe that He would be. and i am humbled, broken, ..........i know who i am.
the idea of "Beholding the Lamb" is still running around in my heart and head-
the music that Jason chose was so rich! beautiful!
i just wish that those who came Sunday could have walked through the PROCESS of creating with me-
(not to say that i'm ready for that)
but, the finished paintings were not the real beauty.
i'm ready to break the silence- i am longing to be poured out for my Jesus- to the end of HIS glory -
impatiently waiting........and VERY uncomfortable! gina
